I Am A Super-Star

Hey guys. Long time, no see! I thought I’d share with you a few experiences Frankie and I had last night. Some are good for a laugh, others will help me get sympathy from you. Intrigued? Let’s press on.

So, I’ve been sick the last few days. The bummer about a simple sickness is that with Multiple Sclerosis, nothing is simple. The head congestion was messing with my equilibrium, which is already questionable. The brain pains were exacerbated so much that I was crying, and my vision was so bad that I couldn’t even read. My sweet Frankie gave me a blessing and decided that we needed to go to an urgent care. Haley and Nate kept Darby for us, and we went to seek medical attention. The first urgent care we went to was, of course, closed. The next one was dirty, but we got in quickly. The doctor came in and with his thick New York accent told Frankie that he was probably a great lover. Yes, that is actually what he said. He talked and talked about life in NYC and what he got for his mother for mothers’ day. He droned on about how his accent makes it impossible to understand him when he uses the word “yogurt.” He babbled about how city New Yorkers are horrible, but up-staters like me are the God-fearing salt of the earth. Finally, he wrote me some prescriptions and quieted his busy mouth.

I have pneumonia, so I was anxious to start my HUMONGOUS antibiotic and get some sleep. I woke up around 2 a.m. because I needed to go potty. Like I said, my equilibrium is way off and I probably needed help, but how embarrassing is that?! Besides, Frankie was sleeping in Darby’s room with her in case she needed one of us. So, as I was in the bathroom, I knew I was in trouble. I tried to hurry everything up, but MS also causes it to take forever for me to pee (too much info? Nah). Then, I couldn’t find the beginning of the toilet paper. So, by the time I stood to pull up my chonies and wash my hands, it was all over. I remember a loud noise, and then Frankie’s voice sounding panicked. “Hillary, what are you doing?!” “Sleeping.” That was my response. I truly thought I was in my bed. Then he asked me to roll to the side so that he could open the door. I had fainted and was blocking my bedroom door! What’s worse is that I hadn’t pulled my chonies all the way up before I passed out, so my half naked body was blocking the entrance to my bedroom as I lay on the floor, asserting that I was asleep. How humiliating.

So, this morning I have what I can only guess will eventually be a black eye. There are scrapes all over my arms and face and I have a massive goose-egg on the back of my head where it landed on the tile. My hip took the brunt of it all and I am pretty torn up! What a pathetic little story, right? It’s also kind of funny, so I had to share it with you. I have never fainted before; it was really weird. So, how about you? Have you fainted? Has anything embarrassing happened to you lately?

Smells Like the Color Brown

Yeah, I get it. It is Thanksgiving and I should be baking and cooking and basting and whisking, but I am not. Last year, I did all of that and then the 3 of us ate in like, 5 minutes and it was really lack-luster. This year, Nate and Haley live in town, but went out of town for the holiday, so it still would have been just the 3 of us. All Darby ever wants to eat is bologna, cheese, and a fruit snack, so the meal would have been lost on her. Frankie suggested we wait until Nate and Haley get back and I jumped on that opportunity! So, today we didn’t eat a great meal. We had some pretty lame spaghetti, actually. I did make green bean casserole, though, because it is divine. Anyway, we decided to take Darby to the movies for the first time and we saw Tangled. It was so good! She really enjoyed it for the most part. About 20 minutes before it ended, she said, “Is it over yet?” But, she sat through the rest of it just fine. And she loved the movie! It was really fun to watch her enjoy the theater experience. My favorite part of the movie is when the main guy says, “It smells like the color brown.” That is hilarious to me! Anyway, my favorite part of the day was when Darby was trying to get Frankie’s attention and she said, “Hey old man!” It was sweet justice because just last night, Frankie told me that he’ll always feel young because I’ll always be older than he is. Good thing he is so handsome, right? Helps me overlook such inflammatory statements! We went to the park after the movie and ran into Frankie’s uncle and cousins. We enjoyed hanging out at the park and came home for gross dinner and had a pretty good day. I’m thankful for so much, especially my family. Frankie and Darby, Mom and Daddy, Corrine and Brett, Nate and Haley, Britney, Aramie and Matt and Kacey, Adam and Lindsey and Montanna and Eden, Dustin and Jessica and Omega, Glen, Aaron and Katie; I love each of you guys. Happy Thanksgiving everyone! Amen :P

How was your day?

Bowler Hat Beauty

Happy Halloween! This costume is Haley’s brain-child, worked into reality with her own blood, sweat and tears. Nathan’s work group is CRAZY about Halloween and they all dressed as Disney villains. Nate was Bowler Hat Guy from Meet the Robinsons. So, being the cheap-o’s we are with the crazy daughter we have, we just used the same costume for Darby once Nate was done with it. She looked AWESOME! I kept hearing people talk about her and how great her costume was. She even had a bald cap with the little swirl of hair (I didn’t even think to take her hat off and get a picture of that, but it is there). She looked great and had a really fun time.

On Thursday, Darby’s preschool class got to wear their costumes to school. We couldn’t use Bowler Hat Guy because Nate would need it on Friday, and we didn’t want Darby to miss out. So, we had a ball of red yarn that Corrine bought for the Darbs to play with and we decided to fashion a Pippi Longstocking wig out of it. It turned out really great, even though it looks like a mix somewhere in the fray of Pippi, the Wendy’s girl (Wendy, I presume), and Raggedy Ann. Her schoolmates said that she looked “awesome” and she felt so good about herself! She is so fun and so wild; while all of her contemporaries are prancing around in princess dress-up stock and crap tiaras, Darby is bold and fun. I love my daughter.

How was your Halloween?

A Good Day

I know I just posted a few hours ago, but I wanted to share a sweet experience that Frankie and I just shared with Darby.

Last night, as we were going to bed, Darby complained to me, saying, “I NEVER get to go to the temple with you and Daddy.” So, I promised her that we would go with her Daddy to the temple the next day during his lunch break and have a picnic. We did and after we ate our lunch near the visitors’ center, we went inside to look at all of the displays. Upon entering the center, there is the Christus statue. Darby ran up to it and when I asked her who it was, she said, “Jesus Christ!” We talked about the marks in his hands and feet (left out the side) and she reached up to touch one of his feet. Then she reached up and touched his robe and said, “I can’t believe it.”

We went into a display room and Darby ran right out. I followed and found her back at the Christus, pressing her precious little fingers to the mark on his right foot. It was so sweet to see my daughter processing what her Savior did and who He is.

Then, she saw the fountain outside the visitors’ center and said, “(gasp) That’s Jesus Christ’s pool!”

It made me think about the scripture (Bing would know the reference, but I don’t know it off-hand) where He says that He will never forget us; that He has engraven us upon the palms of His hands.

I think the pool comment must have made Him smile, too.

A Letter to my Nemesis

Dear Jillian Michaels,

Oh, how I hate your stinking guts. Every time you say, “fight it!” and “I want you to feel like you are going to die”, I just grunt out obscenities and feel rage welling up inside of me. I hate your rocking body and the knowledge that mine will never look like that. I want you to stop smiling during work-outs; I would feel much better if you were crying the way I want to cry while I’m doing a “goddess” hold or attempting “rock-star” jumps. Cry, Jill! CRY!

That said, I also love you. I love the changes I do see and the new sizes I haven’t fit into since fifth grade. The last scale visit I had (only for doctor appointments, I never keep one in the house) left me astonished and I wanted to shout it from the roof-tops! Your work-outs are short enough that I can do them with my daughter around and effective enough that I feel like I’ve done a good job rather than wasted my time.

So, rage on, Jillian.

Love, Hillary

My favorite work-out is Jillian Michaels’ Yoga Meltdown. It helps with my MS symptoms and kicks my can every time. What are your favorites?

Twist and Shout

Seriously though, have you ever had a mammogram? Holy crap, that hurts! I’ve had far too many at my relatively young age and will have them pretty frequently, probably for life. No worries; today’s didn’t result in a biopsy or lumpectomy (though I do enjoy a good anesthesia-induced nap), just another one in six months. Now THAT is something to look forward to. The room today was freezing, like runny nose kind of cold. And I’m standing in there, bare breasted while an icy, gloved hand maneuvered my girls around. Then, she’d hold them in place as she closed the machine down on them. Just as I thought that I couldn’t take the pain for a second longer (and this coming from me, who was in labor for 71 full hours, so I’m pretty tough), she’d stop the machine. Thank goodness, right? Wrong. Then she’d manually tighten it up a couple of notches more. She’d tell me to hold my breath while she took the x-ray, but I always already was. I find that in moments of extreme agony, I tend to stop breathing anyway. My last mammo wasn’t nearly so brutal and I sort of scoffed at women who complain about them. Oh, how I repent of that. Last time, I didn’t have a mess of scar-tissue from July’s lumpectomy. Yeah, my boobs are getting prettier and prettier as time passes.

Sitting out in the waiting room between the mammo and the breast ultrasound, another woman caught my eye. She was observing social etiquette and not mentioning how awkward it was that we were sitting there in silence, bra-less and wearing a little smock/shirt that we were desperately trying to keep closed. I can never handle good manners for very long, so I said, “You know, I’m thinking of taking this sweet shirt home so that I can wear it in my family portrait.” She was obviously unimpressed with my lack of couth and said, “At least they are pink.” To which I replied, “Yes, it helps maintain an air of femininity.”

Really I don’t know what kind of a comment you could possibly make in regards to this post, so the pressure is off.

Triumph of Darby

We've had another successful visit to the dentist! Darby does such a great job; she sits in that big chair like such a grown-up (well, better than some grown-ups, actually), follows directions and makes her mama so proud! The staff and dentist get such a kick out of her and she just gives me a thumbs-up the whole time. I am proud of her for being such a good brusher and such a good patient. She has been trying to brush her teeth again all morning.

When I asked her to smile for the webcam, this is what she gave me. Apparently Darby is a pirate. Oh, and she told me that she wants to be a tooth for Halloween. Any ideas on how to pull that off?

Beautiful Darby

"Kids: they dance before they learn there is anything that isn't music." ~William Stafford

Tenemos Un Meaty-Meaty

You know that episode of Friends where Phoebe talks about lobsters? Well, long ago Bingham (my best friend and dearest mission companion) and I decided that we are like friend lobsters. Like, if we could be sealed to a friend for time and all eternity, Bing and I would be sealed to eachother.

And as wonderful as she is and as much as I love her, I am terrible at remembering her birthday! It is tomorrow, September 18th. She will be 30. Anyway, for years I’ve had it in my head that her birthday was October 18th and one year, I called her on October 19th and said, “Bing, I’m such a jack-ass. I forgot to call you on your birthday yesterday.” And she said, “No Judd. You are a jack-ass because you forgot to call me on my birthday a month ago.” And that’s my Bing.

So, in an attempt to redeem myself to her (I cannot blog everyone's birthday, but I owe it to Bing after all my birthday failings!), this post is to commemorate Bingham’s 30th birthday. I will follow the format set out by the primary for the birthday spotlight.

Name: Alicia Bingham Loor

Favorite Color: well, I’m not sure. That’s weird of me. But, she looks great in blue.

Favorite Food: Chifa, last time we lived together.

Favorite Thing To Do: Bing loves to be with her daughter, Evelyn, and her dog, Raya. She spends a lot of time caring for her family. She loves to read and is very, very intelligent. She also loves rugby because she is a total bad-A!

Favorite Place To Go: Bing likes to go to Ecuador. And any lake. She loves swimming (and water skiing).

Favorite Primary Song: Well, we didn’t do much primary together, but we did have to sing a lot of duets in Carapungo (every Sunday, as it were!).

Favorite Scripture Story: Bingham knows everything about the scriptures. If you make reference to some vague verse, she will be able to tell you exactly what book, chapter, and verse it is. She is amazing that way.

Something Fun For Others To Know: Bingham and I bonded our very first hour together when we somehow found out that our moms did the very same dances when we would go to Old Navy with them. She even re-enacted it for me, and it was flawless. Bingham has the ability to make anyone laugh about anything at all.

Bingaling, you are amazing. I love so much and am so thankful that you were born. Happy Birthday!

Conspiracy Theory 101

I am absolutely unhinged sometimes and I know it. A magnificent neurotic mess.

Now that you know (if you didn’t already), I’ll fill you in on one of my latest obsessions; the flu vaccination. Now, I always have Darby inoculated for the seasonal flu, but not the H1N1 virus. It’s too new and it was so shady to me the way it was pushed with scare tactics. Well, last year, not enough people got the H1N1 vaccine, so now it is just a component of the regular flu shot. So, what do I do? I think it is a freaky maneuver to force you to get both when you only want one or the other. I called Darby’s pediatrician’s office and they told me that a seasonal flu shot without the H1N1 component was not manufactured. Now I don’t know what is scarier; no vaccine or a two-fer vaccine, the second component of which is not something I want injected into my child. I’m all for modern medicine, but I also believe that there is something behind the push for inoculation. Now it is not just being pushed for the young and the elderly; it’s a push for universal vaccination. That is also weird. What do you think? I need some serious opinions here.

I’m this close to the brink of my sanity.

(p.s. as I was looking at cartoons for this post, I found freaky information about conspiracy theories that this is biological warfare, etc. Pretty freaky stuff. You should look it up a bit.)

Too Cool

For weeks Darby has been prepping me for the beginning of preschool. “Mom, you can’t come to my school with me.” Sure I heard what she said, but I felt confident that when it came down to it, she would want me there. I mean, she would want me there, right?

The day fast approached and Darby informed me that she would be taking the bus to school. I informed Darby that she would never take a bus to school.

T minus two days and counting is when Darby decided she wanted me to come to school with her. It warms a mother’s heart to hear her child console her with flattery; flattery which I was eager to accept.

The first day of preschool finally arrived and Darby was ready to go! She was ready to go from the moment she awakened and was dressed to the nines an hour before school started. We got in the car and made our way toward the huge milestone ahead of us.

We walked into the school and Darby quickly found her cubby and chair. As others filtered in, I hung back and just watched Darby enjoying her new adventure. Kids were clinging to their mothers’ legs, screaming while their little hands were pried away from their safety net. My sweet baby was doing fine, so I decided that I’d better leave before she realized that she, too, needed her mama.

I approached her to give her a kiss and tell her what a great day it was going to be for her. As I neared my darling 4 year old on her first day of school, she looked up at me with an angelic, if not surprised, face.

“Why are you still here?” were her actual words.

So much for a baby needing her mama! I slinked away in embarrassment at the snub I had just received from my posterity.

Darby is doing great in preschool and is not troubled by any pesky attachment to her nerdy mom.


(sorry for the terrible picture; we finally got a charger for our camera battery, but now i cannot find the cord to attach it to the computer, so i web-cammed a picture from the camera. i know, i'm ghetto).

Useless Thoughts On Hair

Sometimes I look at women with long hair and think that their tresses are so beautiful and that maybe I should grow my hair out again. Then I remember having long hair and I re-promise myself that I will never do that again!

For a really long time, my hair was down to the bottom of my back. I was too scared to part with my identity as “the girl with long hair.” About a year into our marriage, I decided to chop it all off and luckily, my Frankie supported my decision. I’ve had short hair ever since and I will never, ever grow it out again! In fact, I want it shorter and shorter. Looking back on pictures of myself with long hair I think, “Gross!” Now, some people really do look good with long hair, but some people do not. I am one of the latter. I’m no longer “the girl with long hair.” I’m actually probably “the girl with a really bad haircut” or “the girl who ought to grow it out”, but at least I can take a chance. And really, for how long can you have long hair without looking like a lady who is too old for long hair? What do you think is the age cut-off? I’m not saying we all need Golden Girl hair (but I’m totally planning on it), just wondering how old is too old for long hair?

Where Have I Been All Your Life?

So, let’s catch up. Aramie and Kacey (my sister and niece) were here for a few weeks and we had a good time. The girls did not get along, which was a bummer, but when you put two only children together, mayhem is guaranteed to ensue. So, in a nutshell, the girls fought, Aramie and I laughed and ate, my friends loved my sister (of course), and I almost choked to death twice. It was good times.

Now that my brother Nate and his wife, Haley, are moving down, something new has been brought to my realization. Hostess Ding-Dongs have 19 grams of fat and 360 calories a pop! Well, serving size is actually 2 dongs. I know that seems unrelated, but as skinny as my brother is, he is made up of probably 78% processed sugar. When Nate lives here, there is always good food around. So, between my brother and Frankie, the probability of diabetes just skyrocketed in the Parmenter household! Anyway, I only realized those ding-dong stats after I ate one! And I didn’t even like it that much.

What is something deplorable that you love to eat?

Was It You?

Sorry I’ve been so scarce; my sister and niece are in town. I do need to update you on an Adventure of Darby Danae. You don’t want to miss this one.

Aramie and I took our daughters to Hobby Lobby (my fave) and were looking around when Darby realized suddenly that she needed to use the bathroom. “Mom, I have to poop.” Ah, the words every mother loves to hear while shopping in a dirty and unkempt store. We searched for a bathroom and once we found it, were horrified to see that literally every stall in the place was open and each toilet full of doo-doo. Nice. I said, “Sorry Baby, we are going to have to go home. All of these toilets already have poop in them.” I alerted Aramie and we grabbed our daughters and made our way to the front of the store, where we could exit. Darby wanted me to carry her, and as we moved from the back of the store to the front of the store, my sweet little Darbenstien pointed her tiny little finger at each person we passed. She had on her best stink-eye and used her most authoritative and accusatory tone as she said, “Who pooped in the toilet?!”

Seriously, like 20 people were accused by my three year old of pooping in the toilet at Hobby Lobby. The last person received the most venom as Darby pointed, accused, and even slung an insult; "Who pooped in the toilet?! That dirty rat." True story.

As we’ve always expected and been barely able to escape these last 3 years, Darby and I can no longer be seen in respectable society (but after our bathroom experience, can we really call our society ‘respectable?’). If you need us, we are quarantined in our home practicing our manners.

But I think the real issue at hand is exactly what put us in the predicament in the first place; who pooped in the toilet?

"Benign" Is The Word!

I'll tell you the whole story later, but let me tell you that my lab results from the biopsy are benign, which is such a relief. I am so thankful for that. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers, I have felt them.

I Am So Sowwy

It was a tragedy. And a complete accident. And hilarious.

Yesterday, a telemarketer called offering life insurance. She gave her shpeel and then asked when her boss, Ron, could call and tell me how much he could save us on life insurance. The thing is, she had a speech impediment. She said, “So, when should Won call you to talk about insuwance? Mowning, aftewnoon, ow evening?”

What you have to know about me is that I, too, had this same speech impediment when I was a child. What happened next was unintentional and cwuel. I mean cruel.

I said, “Well, we alweady have life insurance.”

I would never make fun of anybody like that. She didn’t know that about me. After she hung up on me, I felt horrible, but laughed so hard. I am a tewwible pewson.

Nip Tuck (pun intended)

Tomorrow is the big day, my friends. I'll go under the knife at about 11:00 a.m. It is going to be awesome! A medically induced nap in the middle of the morning? Now that is just sweet action. And if my medical staff is as beautiful as the one pictured above, then nothing could go wrong! Those magnificent modelesque scrubs are removing a weird lump from my right breast and then they are going to check it out. Perverts. I'm thinking of asking them to just scoop everything out of both breasts and then fill them up with silicone. Not only would I be as buoyant as a life raft, but I could avoid doing this again in the future. Plus, I think Frank might dig it if I were to come out of there with boobs that had never nursed. The working girls are more than slightly haggard in comparison to when he met them. Anyway, wish me luck! But more than that, wish luck to my dear friend Jamie. She will be keeping the Darb while Frankie and I are vacationing at the hospital.

Which Way Do You Want To Go, Hmmm?

What does this picture make you think of? If we are kindred spirits, then it makes you think of the movie Labyrinth. I love that movie. Other childhood movies of mine are Goonies, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (the old one, of course), One Crazy Summer, and I can't really think of any others right now. The t.v. shows I grew up on include Belle & Sebastian and Today's Special.

Darby is into Curious George and Jumanji. She went through an 8 Seconds phase, but I had to squash that as it isn't really a wholesome children's movie. She also likes Hello Kitty, though Darby calls her "Hello Beauty Cat." She has a Hello Beauty Cat bike, and that is where that all started.

What movies/shows did you love as a child?

San Diego

We had the opportunity to visit my brother Dustin and his wife, Jessie, in San Diego this last weekend. We had such a great time and they took such good care of us! We haven't seen them in almost a year and it was so nice remedy that. My older brother, Nate, was with us, too, and it was just so great to be with everyone. We went to the beach, which Darby loved, of course, and then they took us to Sea World. Darby had the time of her life! Thanks, Dusty and Jessie, for taking such good care of us and letting us come visit.

The Princess and the Frog: A Critique

Darby was lucky enough to receive “The Princess and the Frog” from her Gran this last weekend. She was so, so excited and wants to watch it every waking hour. I didn’t really know anything about the movie except that it is Disney’s first black princess and that it supposedly is such a breakthrough movie. Have you seen it?

Well, I beg to differ when it comes to the movie breaking through stereotypes. I thought it was a black princess, but it is not. The main character, Tianna, is a lower-class girl working two jobs (for white people) to try and make a better life for herself. Yeah, what a break through. Then, she tries to buy a building, but is denied because she is black (I think; I wasn’t really paying tons of attention at that point because I was cooking dinner). Then, our black heroine is turned into a frog via voo doo black magic. Hmmmm. So, our black “princess” is actually a green frog for almost the entire film. She makes gumbo (Forest Gump, anyone?) and falls in love with her latino frog prince and the two of them dupe a few white bayou yokels and what I’m getting at is that I don’t really see a lot of breaking through. She doesn’t even become a princess until she marries the prince and then a Mammyish character says, “It’s gon’ be good!” Come on people. It is a really great movie and lots of fun to watch, all I’m saying is that it wasn’t the class-crossing event it claimed to be.

That said, Darby loves every bit of it and it is a cute movie with a really dark villain, so be sure to watch it before your small children have the chance. That way you’ll know when to fast-forward through the scary parts!

The Thrill of the Fight

On the movie Girls Just Want to Have Fun, Colonel Glenn says, "A little competition is good for the soul!" I tend to disagree, at least when it comes to mother/daughter scrimmages at soccer practice.


Thursday was Darby’s last practice of the season, so we had a friendly little game between our beautiful, tiny daughters and their saggy, old mothers. During our warm-up, we were supposed to be kicking the ball back and forth with our daughters. That’s when one of the moms decided that she needed to shine. Apparently, this lady thinks she’s Mia Hamm. She wouldn’t kick the ball to her daughter; she was too busy doing fancy little soccer tricks which impressed us all, I’m sure. Finally, in exasperation, her 3 year old threw her arms to the side and said, “Mom, kick me the ball!” It was shaping up to be a very positive experience for our young breed. These psycho moms were out for blood.



So, the game began with the daughters at one end of the field and the mothers at the other. I was wearing a hat and looking down, Eye of the Tiger blasting in my mind. I was pumped.





Suddenly, my 80’s rock fantasy was shattered by a pink and tiny soccer ball which rolled up to my feet. The bill of my hat was blocking out everything else and instinct kicked in. I mean, I had just been mentally rocking out to the greatest pump-up song ever. I kicked the ball and looked up, only to see that my darling daughter was the one who kicked it in my direction. It was tragic and I spent the rest of the game holding Darby’s hand and dragging her to the ball. I even threatened another mom who kicked it away from her.


Darby did great; she scored a goal and everything. She got a trophy. She was cheered on by the crowd as I hoisted her onto my shoulders. None of that kept her from recanting the story to her daddy, saying that I “broke (her) heart” and that I “no love (her) no more.”


You guys, I can’t win for losing.


Have you ever crushed a small child’s dreams? It would make me feel so much better about myself.

I Am Freaking Awesome

But you already knew that, didn't you? These are pictures of the little side table we found for five bucks at a yard sale. It was ugly, but I saw the potential. Much the same line of thinking Frankie had when he met me. Darby and I painted it and added knobs from Hobby Lobby (my new obsession). I lined the inside of the drawers with scrapbook paper and Mod Podge.

Next, we found this flower and tin sign (which says "you are my sunshine") at Hobby Lobby (of course) and I just had to have them for Darby's room. They were both 50% off and I'm a cheapskate, so it was a match made in Hobby Lobby heaven.

And the crowning glory of Darby's room is her bed with the vinyl flowers my mom got at T.J. Maxx. Yeah, I could have made her bed, but that would have been a little pretentious, right?

So, not that you asked, but that is my little one's room. I try to make it beautiful for her and it is still a work in progress, but I'm liking it so far. Plus, her little garage sale table is so awesome!

What projects are on your plate?

The Darbinator

Darby gets such a kick out of the webcam. She is just so freaking cute, I thought I'd share our last photo shoot. She was recently doing something crazy and I said, "Okay, Baby. No more of that; it scares Mommy." Darby came over to me and I kneeled down so that we were at eachother's eye level. She put her hand on my shoulder and said, "Alright. Close your eyes." And that, my friends, is classic Darby.

Baby Burlesque

This is a picture taken by my friend Jamie of Darby, Jamie's son Varis, and their friend Lindy (Alisha's daughter). So, the other day Darby and her friend Varis were playing in her room. They were looking through books together and it was so sweet to see them being little pals. The doorbell rang and I left the room to let in Varis’ mom, Jamie. She and I talked and laughed for a minute in the living room and then went to check on our little sweethearts who were playing so nicely together.

The door was closed.

Upon opening the door, Varis, who was on Darby’s bed, scrambled to get under the covers. He was shirtless. Darby was hiding behind the door. When she emerged, I found that she was wearing nothing but her chonies and Varis’ shirt!

I turned to Jamie and said, “This better be the last time I ever walk in on your half-naked son on my daughter’s bed and my daughter wearing nothing but chonies and his shirt!”

Of course it was nothing but innocent and we laughed so hard, but it was a little disconcerting, I’m not going to lie, because you know it was Darby’s idea.

What questionable things have you happened upon?

Tell Them Large Marge Sent You!

On this very night, ten years ago, along this very stretch of road in a dense fog just like this, I saw the worst accident I ever seen (please tell me you’ve seen Pee Wee’s Big Adventure. I can’t bear for you to think my grammar is this remedial). There was this sound, like a garbage truck dropped off the Empire State Building...

Well, I guess that is not exactly accurate. There was no fog at all; it was a bright and sunny day. Yesterday, actually. Alisha and I had just finished our visiting teaching and we were hanging out in her kitchen catching up. I dismounted from the stool I was sitting on and bent down to grab something off the floor. Then I tried to sit back down. That’s when it happened. The stool wasn’t where it ought to have been and I went backwards, falling, falling, until I slammed down on her hardwood floor. I took down a plate of scrambled eggs along with me. It was like a garbage truck dropped off the Empire State Building. And when they pulled my body from the twisted, burning wreck, it looked like this...


Alisha is so considerate that she miraculously restrained her laughter until she made sure I was alright. Once my survival was assured (but my dignity destroyed), she laughed so hard that she had to lean on her counter to bear up the hilarity of it all. Alisha is a dancer, so it was just suiting that my moment of dire clumsiness was witnessed by my most graceful friend.

After my supreme acrobatic performance, Darby and I set off for home. We didn’t have the car that day, so I set off on foot, pushing Darby in the stroller (I can’t let her walk alongside busy roads, you know this). We passed a tiny, ancient man in a motorized chair as we crossed on the cross-walk. As we set off down the sidewalk, I heard an ominous humming coming up behind us. It got closer and closer and I quickened my pace. Finally, I decided that if I was going to be able to protect Darby, I had to find out what we were up against. I looked back only to see said ancient man drive his chair off the sidewalk and into the road, ultimately blowing past us like a bat out of hell! Apparently I walk too slowly for mechanized chairs. Apparently, those chairs are fitted with hemi engines.

It was not a good day for self-esteem in the Parmenter household.

What is one of your most embarrassing moments?

True Story

We all know that public bathrooms are a trial for me. I am able to avoid them almost always, but my 3 year old is a different story. Darby loves public bathrooms. And she pees a lot. This is why I keep a potty-chair in the car at all times. I know it sounds crazy, but it is actually brilliant. However, I am not willing to take Darby out of Sacrament meeting to have her pee in the car. We Mormons are notorious stragglers and I don’t want the reputation which is sure to ensue after one fashionably late person sees my baby peeing in the car in the parking lot.

So, Sunday was our Easter program at church. It was really beautiful with gorgeous music and my gorgeous gal Alisha giving a powerful talk. After the talk, Darby had to go potty, so I reluctantly took her to the bathroom. I know the bathrooms are cleaned every Saturday, but I’ve been one of the volunteers to clean the bathroom on a Saturday and so I know first-hand that our methods leave something to be desired.

I have a strict Darby-in-a-Public-Bathroom Policy. It is this: DON’T TOUCH ANYTHING. So, ever obedient Darby (ha ha) held my hands with both of her hands as she scooted herself back on the massive toilet. She looked down to make sure her stream was making it in the bowl. I looked down at her because she took one of her hands from mine and was rubbing her head, as though it was hurting. I leaned down and kissed her forehead.

It was wet.

“Lick my head.” Those where her real words. I replied with a question; “Why?” She replied with the worst words she could have uttered in that particular situation. “Because potty got on it.”

That’s right, people. Potty splashed up out of a public toilet and onto my daughter’s head, which head I then kissed. With my lips. Potty.

I think that in the future, I’ll opt for the reputation of the weirdo at church who makes her kid pee in the car. It is better than the alternative.

So, what’s up with you?

Darbenstein

My mom was in town for the last week and a half and it was so fun! I’ll post some pictures of our visit when she sends them to me (you know my camera battery woes). I’ll talk about our visit when I have some pictures to go along with it. Otherwise, I don’t really have much to say this time around (count your many blessings), but I wanted to post some pictures of Darby. These are from a few Saturdays ago when she was helping with the yard work. That basically translates into Darby chasing us around with the leaf blower. Couldn’t you just kiss that little face forever?!

Bend It Like Darby

In response to popular demand, I am posting a picture of Darby in her soccer get-up. We haven't received jersies yet, so my little Bekham is just wearing a regular top. Of course I took the pictures on my webcam right before practice yesterday, so they are a little blurry. A cuter child never existed.

Squeaky Clean

I took Darby in for her 6 month dental exam today and she did awesome! No cavities and she even let the hygienist do a thorough cleaning. She did a great job and I am really proud of her. Look at those beautiful teeth and that gorgeous child!

The Recruit

Darby is amazing. We all know that.

Frankie took the Darbinator to the park last Saturday and she started kicking around a soccer ball with a little girl she met a few minutes earlier. Then, the little girl’s dad came over and started kicking the ball with Darby. He turned to Frank and said, “She is amazing.” Frank said that we are pretty impressed with her and the man said, “No; she is awesome.” He went on to tell Frankie that he is the coach of a little girls’ soccer team and that they need Darby and asked Frank to please sign her up. He wrote down his name and number, the team name, where to go to sign up, etc.

How cool is that? My three year old got recruited at the park!

And he was right. We signed her up and I took her to her first practice on Thursday. This girl is amazing! She’s never touched a soccer ball in her life, but she stole the friggin’ show. I kept hearing the coach say, “good kick Darby!” and I could tell that he was really pleased with her. She was awesome. So, we took her to the store to get a soccer ball. There were pink ones and blue ones and all sorts of pretty colors for her to pick from. She chose the classic black and white ball. That’s right, all business for Darby the Destroyer! I’m so proud of my little girl.

You want to know what is the cutest thing in the history of ever? Darby in shin-guards and cleats. So, I’m starting out my days as a soccer mom a little early and I’m looking quite forward to living vicariously through my super-star daughter.

MS is BS!

My sweet and devoted sister-in-law Jessica is doing a walk to raise money for the MS Society. I’m so grateful to and humbled by her for being so loving and dedicated. So, I’m posting her website, just in case anyone is feeling rich and has a few extra bucks to donate to her team. Their name is the best; “MS is BS!” Isn’t that hilarious?! And so true!

Here is her site, should you feel so inclined. http://main.nationalmssociety.org/goto/MSisBS Isn’t that just the sweetest thing to do? She had a team all put together and was already entered in the walk before she even told me about it. What a sweet sister I have. She and I have known each other since she was only 14 years old. I loved her before this, of course, but she is going above and beyond and I’m so thankful for her.

MS really is BS, and true to her nature, Jessica is doing something about it.

Toddler Blasphemy

We have said prayers with Darby every night since she was an infant. Recently, we've been encouraging her to say her own prayers with us whispering certain things for her to add. So, the other night, she was doing a pretty good job all on her own. Until she prayed in the name of Jesus Christ and Emily Elizabeth, Amen. Emily Elizabeth is a character on Clifford the Big Red Dog. It seems that we went wrong somewhere along the way.

Feel The Burn

As you can probably tell from my picture above, I've been working out. I have been slaving away to Jillian Micheals' 30 Day Shred. I like this one because it kicks my trash and it's only about 30 minutes long (and it is way intense!) and that's as long as Curious George lasts. Yep, that's how I get my exercise time in; from 9-9:30 while the Darbs is enthralled by a mischievious monkey. How about you? What is your favorite work-out?

And bear with me; it is midterm week and it is a doozy.

Dancing Queen

Darby had a dance recital in December. How do you think it went?

You are right.

She ran off the stage the whole time and the crowd was laughing so much at my darling little girl just hamming it up. She totally stole the show! I don’t know why I was surprised that it was Darby who ran off the stage the whole time. Man, isn’t she beautiful? She chose that pose all by herself; nobody was coaching her or anything. She is just so precious.

I have to give credit for the photo to Kristi Ellingson. I have to because I said I would. I encountered a heck of an ordeal trying to print this photo for my family. I don’t have a copy right, I just bought the digital file. Apparently the woman at Wal-Mart used to be some sort of law enforcement official because she gave me some trouble because I didn’t have proof that I bought the copy right. Anyway, it was lame but it worked out.

Let’s not forget the issue at hand: Darby is so precious. This was her costume for “The Itsy Bitsy Spider.” Next recital, her class is going to be dancing with their daddies to “Someday My Prince Will Come.” Now THAT is going to be so, so sweet!