Tuesday, April 20, 2010

Tell Them Large Marge Sent You!

On this very night, ten years ago, along this very stretch of road in a dense fog just like this, I saw the worst accident I ever seen (please tell me you’ve seen Pee Wee’s Big Adventure. I can’t bear for you to think my grammar is this remedial). There was this sound, like a garbage truck dropped off the Empire State Building...

Well, I guess that is not exactly accurate. There was no fog at all; it was a bright and sunny day. Yesterday, actually. Alisha and I had just finished our visiting teaching and we were hanging out in her kitchen catching up. I dismounted from the stool I was sitting on and bent down to grab something off the floor. Then I tried to sit back down. That’s when it happened. The stool wasn’t where it ought to have been and I went backwards, falling, falling, until I slammed down on her hardwood floor. I took down a plate of scrambled eggs along with me. It was like a garbage truck dropped off the Empire State Building. And when they pulled my body from the twisted, burning wreck, it looked like this...

Alisha is so considerate that she miraculously restrained her laughter until she made sure I was alright. Once my survival was assured (but my dignity destroyed), she laughed so hard that she had to lean on her counter to bear up the hilarity of it all. Alisha is a dancer, so it was just suiting that my moment of dire clumsiness was witnessed by my most graceful friend.

After my supreme acrobatic performance, Darby and I set off for home. We didn’t have the car that day, so I set off on foot, pushing Darby in the stroller (I can’t let her walk alongside busy roads, you know this). We passed a tiny, ancient man in a motorized chair as we crossed on the cross-walk. As we set off down the sidewalk, I heard an ominous humming coming up behind us. It got closer and closer and I quickened my pace. Finally, I decided that if I was going to be able to protect Darby, I had to find out what we were up against. I looked back only to see said ancient man drive his chair off the sidewalk and into the road, ultimately blowing past us like a bat out of hell! Apparently I walk too slowly for mechanized chairs. Apparently, those chairs are fitted with hemi engines.

It was not a good day for self-esteem in the Parmenter household.

What is one of your most embarrassing moments?


  1. Kacey always wants me to rewind the Large Marge scene over and over, just like we did when we were kids.
    Once when I lived there in AZ, my former sister-in-law was over when I was tidying the living room. I bent down to pick up one of Kacey's toys, and when I stood back up my pants fell down. I stood there for a second or two in utter disbelief before I hurried to pull them back up! She probably tells that story at every family reunion while they sit around burping the alphabet and having farting contests.

  2. Hillary, I love you! You're soo funny and just great! :o)

  3. you should have raced the old man acrossed the street.

  4. How funny! Just last week I went up to a total stranger and put my arm around him thinking it was my husband. At least I didn't goose him!

  5. Hillary....you can fall in front of me any day! You handle it so gracefully! I love that you can laugh at yourself....not many people can. You're my hero!

  6. I've had many a falling situation, and mostly surrounded by people not nice enough to wait to laugh at me. I got fingers and pointing and the whole thing.

    And I'm surprised you didn't whip yourself around and just start kicking whatever you thought was following you. That would've been an awesome sight to see!

    I love you. And I need to see Pee-Wee's Big Adventure again. I'm sure of that now.


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