So Pretty When I'm Angry

I’ve been known to get in people’s faces. Since I’ve become a mother, it’s mostly toddler faces. And not my own toddler. For example, today I took Darby to the park for a playgroup activity. She was about to get on a seahorse thing when some monster baby Huey boy grabbed her and pushed her off of it. I imagine that smoke was blowing out of my ears as I hot-footed it over there saying, “Oh, NO!” to rip that kids head off. I ended up just getting in this random 3 year old’s face and saying, “DO NOT PUSH MY DAUGHTER!” through ground teeth. His mom came over and I was ready to go toe to toe with that ill-mannered heathen. But, it was unnecessary as she just got him in trouble and made him go home. Am I a meany? Nope. He got what was coming to him. That’s not the first time I’ve unleashed the mama bear inside me. After a neighbor (and member of the ward) child, again 3 years old, pushed Darby down, I was in that kid’s face, literally yelling and spewing venom. I yelled until she shook her head no, please don’t tell my mom, and then I asked myself, what am I doing? I’m almost 30 years old yelling at a 3 year old! But, I still didn’t feel bad. I’m sure this will eventually get me into real trouble, but I’m okay with that. If parents aren’t going to teach their kids manners, then I’ll do it for them. And I know that my child isn’t the best mannered in the world, however, I watch her closely enough around strangers so that they never have a reason to get in her face, which would in turn give me reason to get into theirs.

Have you ever yelled at a child who wasn’t your own?

Seasons

Sometimes I have to change my blog background to remind myself that there are seasons. Arizona only has 2 seasons; Hot As Hell and Hotter Than Hell. For those of you who are fortunate enough to live elsewhere, enjoy your fall!

What are your kids going to be for Halloween?

Target Practice

Have you ever walked into the bathroom to find your 3 year old daughter laughing maniacally, standing on the toilet seat and peeing? Oh, neither have I.

Have you ever attempted peeing while standing (I know I have!)?

Nice Shiner

Oh, don't act surprised. I’m always worried that someone is going to call CPS on me. Darby is usually looking pretty roughed-up and I just can’t help it; she’s out of control! As one of my brothers recently said to me, "Hil, your kid is going to break her arm someday." Probably more than once. Most recently, she pulled her slide down on her face. Well, technically, she was trying to hang from her hula-hoop, which she had dangling precariously off the top of the slide. It all came tumbling down, of course, and she looked really shocked. Seriously, you’d think she’d be used to it by now. I don’t think you can see it in this picture, but she really has a nasty shiner. My little nakey-bakey was totally thrilled to have her picture taken with the webcam. Just for the record, she’s wearing nothing but Hello Kitty chonies and is hugging her best friend, Blue Baby. Man, she’s precious (my child, not Blue Baby).

What’s the craziest thing that your children (or you as a child) have done?

Sugar Bugs

Today Darby had her very first dentist appointment. I worked in a pediatric dental office for about 2 ½ years before Darby was born and I knew that the ADA (American Dental Association) suggests that children begin their dental exams at age 3. I was dreading the day because I know what a wild-cat my child is and the things I’ve done wrong in regards to her oral health and I just didn’t want to put her through it. Well, at the beginning of the week, I started noticing that one of Darby’s front teeth looked slightly discolored. You know me and so you know my mind was everywhere and I was sick with worry. I remembered that 3 year olds hardly ever even sat still for a full exam and if they needed treatment, they’d always have to be sedated; usually they’d have to be put under general anesthesia. I was so stressed. So, today I took her into the office where I worked. It started with some little shit (yeah, I said it) biting her arm in the waiting room. We didn’t see it go down, but her arm was wet and she was ticked. Anyway, I requested my favorite dentist and it worked out that my favorite assistant assisted as well. We got my dental dream team! She did a fabulous job with taking the x-rays, which is rare for a 3 year old, and she did such a great job with the dentist doing her exam. He was even able to do a cleaning for her. She was awesome! I am so proud of her. She didn’t throw a fit or even act afraid. She has no sugar bugs (cavities), by the way, which was such a relief. Way to go, Darby!

What experiences have you had with your kids (or self) in the dentist’s office (Aramie, you have to tell about what Kacey said after her first exam)?

"I've Made a Huge Mistake."

I’ve made a huge mistake. Today, Darby was asking me if she could throw something up into the ceiling fan. I repeatedly told her no, then grew tired of saying the same thing over and over. The next time she asked, I made a huge, landmark mistake. “I can’t stop you from making a bad choice…” Yeah, I know. Her eyes immediately lit up and as a Grinch-like smile stretched from ear to ear, she said, “You can’t stop me?” Oh man. What was I thinking? I was hoping to keep that information from her at least until she becomes a teenager. What have I done?

What is the dumbest thing you’ve ever said?

Pick-Me-Up

I thought we could all use a pick-me-up. Because I don't have any available pictures of my Frankie, we'll have to settle for James Franco (and besides, I don't want you all oggling my honey!) . Now, since I am married to Franklin Parmenter, I don't need a movie-star boyfriend. However, I know that many people who are married to lesser men have the need of movie-star loves. But, before you leave your eternal companion for Mr. Franco, I want you to consider the following:



Disturbing, right?

If you were so inclined, not that you are, who would be your movie-star boyfriend/girlfriend?

Alpha-Baby

If you have kids, do you ever look at your child/ren and think, “Man, I make a beautiful baby!” Well, if you’ve ever met MY child, then probably not. Nobody could ever look at my child and then at theirs and still think theirs is cute. It’s like the time I saw Leo DiCaprio (back when he was attractive to my 16 year old, 17 Magazine-washed mind ) in Romeo and Juliet. I saw it with my unfortunate boyfriend. I looked at him half-way through the movie and thought, “Ewww.” Aramie might argue that I could have looked at him and thought that BEFORE I saw the movie, but that’s a story for another time. Besides, she kissed him before I ever did, so she’s not free and clear, either. Yeah, we’re classy like that. So, you’re kids are probably actually super cute, especially my nieces, Kacey and Montanna, and the MOBB kids are all really, really cute. Okay, so you’re kids ARE cute. Anyway, my child is so beautiful, sometimes I just marvel that she belongs to me. I think most of the time that she must be possessed by evil spirits to act the way she does, but I wouldn’t change any bit of her. I’ll fill you in on her shenanigans in recurring posts called “The Adventures of Darby Danae,” which e-mails some of you already receive. I haven’t posted pictures of her yet because a lot of things are still boxed away in the garage, including the camera battery charger. So, Corrine was sweet enough to send me a disc of all the pictures she took around Darby’s birthday, so I’m depending on those for now. I’ll post a few so you can admire what Frankie and I made! Yeah, she’s 3 and an only child so far, but it’s like, we already made the perfect child, why press our luck?

Darby LOVES to swim. She would swim from sun-up to sun-down and beyond.

She was ready to eat her birthday cake. This is Darby issuing a threat.

Opening presents.

Look at this beautiful baby! Her precious outfit was a gift from Nanny.

Brag to me about your kids. They aren’t that cute, right?