Friday, August 21, 2009

Dirty Little Secret

Last night, my husband’s work group was taken to dinner by the Vice President of the company. Employee families were not invited and though I feel slightly jilted, I understand that we are in a recession. After making him change his shirt and pumping him full of encouragement, none of which was necessary or solicited, I sent my husband on his way. I put our toddler to bed and was surprisingly excited when I realized that no dinner plan was expected of me that night. I combed the cupboards, trying to remember the last time I actually set foot in a grocery store. By the looks of the inventory, it seemed it had been quite a while. As I kept looking in the same cupboards over and over again, hoping something forgotten and delicious was hiding behind the dried minced onion and cream of mushroom soup, my eyes focused in on a can of Rosarita’s refried beans. My brow crinkled and I hesitated. Do I dare? I most certainly do! But, with what? Tortillas are not frequent guests in my home. They become lost under the bread or in the back of the fridge and when my excited eyes find them again; my heart is quickly disappointed by the brittle, cracking, dryness of each sad circle. This resulted in my decision to avoid the heartache and leave them at the store, where they belong. So, there I was, with some refried beans, a piqued interest, and the resolve to find something with which to pair my Mexican treat. I’ll spare you the suspense. I ate refried beans and fried eggs for dinner. It was a dirty, shameful experience. When Frankie returned from his fancy elbow-rubbing dining adventure, I asked him what he had for dinner. “It was sort of a sausage, shrimp, and fettuccini jambalaya. It was really good.” He handed me a doggy bag containing a soggy brownie covered with what appeared to be ice-cream residue. I picked at the mush for a moment, secretly resenting him. “What did you eat?” he asked. My silence was deafening and he repeated the question. My eyes shifted to the plate beside me, hoping he didn’t recognize the brownish paste smeared across its surface.

What’s the most shameful thing you’ve ever eaten (and enjoyed)?


  1. Hey Hillary! SO glad you joined the band-wagon! I look forward to your many posts to come, you crack me up.

  2. Hillary, your breath called, it wants it's disgusting stench back. Oh yeah, thanks for waking me up today. I was enjoying a nice nap only to be awakened by said stench. Your blog will give me three things to do now on the internet: email, news, blogs.....thanks

  3. Oh that's easy. That "Papas con Cuero" we had in Carapungo. I didn't enjoy it. At all. But I ate my share. And a sizeable portion of yours as well, if I recall.

    However, the most shameful thing that I ENJOYED was Inez's Salchipapas with the Aji made from tap water. Did I just make you salivate a little bit.

    I don't eat refried beans because the can/food smells like dog food when you open it. I just can't get over that.

    You make me nasty. I love you.

  4. You crack me up as always! I LOVE YOUR BLOG! Good job! I never blog these days. I'm still trying to remember the punchlines to your jokes you told VTing so I can tell David btw. I was eating delicious Rubios's gourmet steak and bacon tacos last night during your shameful experience. But, didn't enjoy them as much being that the food burned my very throbbing throat. Refried beans would have felt much better. You also would have been a much more enjoyable date than I was since all I wanted to be doing was sleeping in a little ball. Yes, I am sick. I caught the bug my kiddos had. Yuck. My shameful secret? I will eat an entire can of black olives. Especially when I'm hungry and nothing else is in the house. Hey, maybe you would have had a stocked kitchen last night if you would have come with me to the "home management" class on Tues. But no, you we're ignoring your favorite stalker as always. HA! (yeah right, my kitchen is still not stocked and my house is still not 'managed'. I stink, I better go shower. Now go get on facebook too!

  5. I just have to say... first you are a brilliant writer! And secondly, I miss you friend! Aside from the few groceries, I am glad to hear you are doing well!

  6. Hil,
    First of all, I am so glad you started a blog. I have been waiting since I know you are much better writer than most of us ESPECIALLY me. Second, that dinner sounds so gross, but I am glad you liked it. I'm looking forward toyour future posts. Welcome!

  7. Mmmmmm....fried eggs....As I was reading your post I was trying to guess what you might have paired your beans with, and was pleasantly surprised by the answer. I was sure you would have eaten them with your sugar-free pink lemonade mix, or perhaps some gluten-free, fat-free, no sodium, low in calories, organic soy crackers.
    I ate spagettios with meatballs & a 20 oz. bottle of coke for lunch. Not diet coke. Not coke zero.
    I love your blog! This is has been a long time coming, and I'm glad you finally decided to bless the blogging world with your gift. I love you more than my luggage, but a little less than my shoes.

  8. YAAAAHHHH!!!! Hillz has a blog, I couldn't be happier! This story was totally awesome. I think the most shameful thing I have eaten has been an entire family sized bag of Cheeto puffs, and then the next night I went out and bought ANOTHER bag and ate them all gone by myself. FAMILY sized, mind you.
    Keep the posts coming!

  9. What a pleasant surprise that you have joined the crowd. I have been waiting and waiting . . . I look forward to laughing and crying with you!

    Nice dinner by the way, sounds like the breakfast, lunch and dinner in Guatemala. I baked yesterday and Brett and I finished a whole angle food cake, and boy did I enjoy it! Then it got us remembering the last time we did that - - In our first apartment after we got married I made some rice krispy treats and we ate the whole batch and still wanted more so I made another one and we finished that one too. Never can have enough of a good thing!

  10. Hils, so love your blog - it is truly exquisite. There is no shame in eating Rosarita beans... have I ever confessed my secret food love to you? I love SPAM. No, I'm serious. I fry SPAM, cut up some taters, through white gravy on it. I get 100% of my RDA of fat, sodium, and preservatives all in one shot.


tell me what you're screaming