You're Not The Boss of Me! (a near death experience)

Don’t tell anybody, but I actually really enjoy running. I don’t do it a whole lot because upon leaving the air-conditioned confines of our homes here in Arizona, we burst into flames. There are very few days when spontaneous combustion is less of a threat and we are in the very last hours of that whimsical week. So, in an effort to get one last chance to go running and to allow Darby to do something fun (for once), we went for an outing with her taking her scooter and me taking my chevro-legs. We only run in the neighborhood to the west of ours because if we were to mozy around in our own neighborhood, we would surely get shanked. Not really, but the other neighborhood is a mile-long rectangle and that is convenient.

So, as soon as we enter our track, we hear a little voice shout out, “Darby!” It is Darby’s nemesis. In an effort to CMA, we will call him Sweet Baby James. Darby and Sweet Baby James love and hate one another. It is a very complicated 4 year old relationship. They are in preschool and primary together and while they have to sit together and talk to each other, it usually results in insult-slinging and eventually comes to blows. But, in this moment, they were friends and super pumped to hang out together. I didn’t want to keep her from getting to play with a friend and I didn’t want to hover, so I sat on the sidewalk on the other side of the street and just watched them run around together. To an outsider, I just looked super creepy. They played and chased each other with a humongous stick (can you believe I allowed that? I’m growing as a parent!) and when they started playing in the neighbors’ yards and sprinklers, I decided it was time for us to go. They had been playing for probably 45 minutes and we had a pretty busy day ahead of us. So, we moved on and finished our outing.

On the way home, Darby said, “Mom, Sweet Baby James told me to stay there, but I didn’t want to.” I replied, “Well Honey, you don’t have to do what Sweet Baby James tells you to do.” And she said, “Yes I do, because he’s the boss.” I thought that maybe that was part of their game and I asked, “Well, why is he the boss?” She responded with “Because he is a boy, and boys are the boss.”

I stopped cold and a little part of me died inside.

“Darby, listen to me. Boys are not the boss of girls. Boys are not better than girls. Sweet Baby James is not your boss.” She said, “Boys ARE the boss, like Daddy. He’s the boss and he’s a boy.”

I see the underdeveloped logic. I do. My poor, sweet baby. I explained that our Daddies and Mommies are our bosses, but not because they are boys or girls, but because they are our parents and that Sweet Baby James’ dad was his boss, but not Darby’s boss and that boys are not the bosses of girls. She seemed greatly relieved and I dare say enlightened. No, empowered! We’ll make a feminist of her yet!

Crisis narrowly averted.

Penny Pinching 101

There is something that you should know about me: I am a sucker, SUCKER for exercise equipment. And infomercials. And especially infomercials for exercise equipment. So, you can imagine my angst when I saw an infomercial for “Leg Magic” about 2 years ago. My legs could use some magic and As Seen On T.V. products always live up to their claims, right? Alas, the apparatus cost $100 and I didn’t have that kind of cash to blow. Let’s be real---it was going to end up at Goodwill at some point.

Which is exactly where I found it! I went to peruse the Goodwill with my brother Nate and I saw my beautiful Leg Magic just sitting there, for a mere twenty bucks! I wanted to buy it, but I didn’t. After a few days, I was still thinking about it (which is my sign that it wasn’t just an impulse buy and that I did actually need it). Nate informed me that the next Saturday would be 50% off Saturday. Friday night, we made sure it was still there. Nathan put it up on a shelf for me, to sort of hide it. I was very nervous; what if it was gone the next day? I should just buy it now! But, the cheapskate in me couldn’t bear the thought of spending $20 when I might have spent only $10, so I anxiously awaited Saturday.

We were standing in line, IN LINE, at the Goodwill on Saturday morning before the store opened. I could see my Leg Magic up on the shelf in the back, but there were 15 people ahead of us! What if one of them was there for my prize? What if this was all in vain? The doors opened and we all flooded into the building. It was like Black Friday at Walmart. We were all headed toward the back of the store. Would I get there in time?

No, I didn’t. But Nathan did! He B-lined it to my Leg-Magic and as he passed me on the way back up toward the register, I was smiling ear to ear! I mean, it was a little embarrassing how pumped I was. I beat the system! I followed my big brother to that register grateful that he had looked out for his kid sis and made my Leg Magic dreams possible. And for only 10 bucks! After the fact, I read reviews for Leg Magic on-line. Everybody said that it was a really good piece of equipment, but that it was too expensive. Not for me, ladies! Not for me. Who is the sucker now?!!

You Give Me Fever

And not the good kind! Panda Express, my love and knife, gave me a healthy dose of fricking food poisoning. Never again, Panda. NEVER AGAIN. And for my Ecuas out there, Nunca mas jamas!

So, after barfing multiple times and laying on the bathroom floor, shaking and falling in and out of sleep (it was 2 a.m. and I was so, so tired! Why is it that the throw-ups never hit when you are well rested?) I was feeling angry that I had just cleaned the bathroom that day. And also, I was feeling grateful that I had just cleaned the bathroom that day! Being that close to a clean toilet is just so much better than the alternative. But, I knew that, being the germ-a-phobe that I am, I would be cleaning the bathroom again within the next twelve hours. I mean, I’m a clean person even when sick, but just in case. So, as I lay on the bathmat, reaching my hand up to wipe down the seat with a Clorox wipe, a new anger overtook me…

What a freaking waste of money!

Good to know that I am both neurotic and cheap even in the most dire of circumstances.

And then my poor Darby awakened and knocked on the bathroom door, asking, “Mom, can I come in?” That sweet little honey. No baby, no. You cannot come in.

Have you ever had food poisoning?

Busy Week

I know, I know. I’m a terrible blogger. Let’s move forward.

We had a busy and fun weekend! Aramie, Matt, and Kacy arrived on Friday night. It was the first time we’ve met Aramie’s new husband and it was great. He fit right in and feels like family already. For Frankie’s initiation, the brothers all got into bed with him to see how he’d handle it. I’ll never forget that moment, when I walked up the stairs (I was staying downstairs and Frank was staying in my room upstairs) when I walked up to the top step and peered into my bedroom. There was Frankie, sitting in my bed with a smile on his face, with Dustin on one side and Aaron on the other. For Matt’s initiation, he had to shake it. That is where you put 30 ping-pong balls in an empty Kleenex box and tie it onto your back. Then you have to shake and gyrate around until all the ping-pong balls fall out. It is hilarious and he handled it like a pro! He didn’t refuse or get all embarrassed or anything---he just did it and shook his way into our hearts :).

Brett and Corrine (my parents-in-law) also arrived on Friday for a cousin’s wedding. It is always so nice to get to spend time with them. On a side note, (and because only family who already knows the situation and the people involved look at this blog) the cousin was supposed to get married in the temple, but she and her fiancée ended up getting married civilly. I know we, in the church, are prone to raising and eyebrow at that sort of stuff and gossiping and blah blah blah. But I would like to point out how brave I think it is to admit a mistake and to take your lumps rather than go through the temple unworthily so that you don’t have to face embarrassment. It shows that those two really understand how important and sacred those covenants are and they fear God rather than man. I am so impressed by them and their decision to be honest and real. So many kids just keep their mouths shut about anything questionable, go to the temple anyway, and take it to the grave and I think it is despicable. Anyway, that’s that.

It was so fun to spend time with Brett and Corrine and Darby, of course, had the time of her life! She got to spend lots of fun time with grandparents and I know how much she loves to have them around. Corrine took lots of great pictures and those are the ones I’ve posted. It is spring break, so I didn’t have to go hide in my office and do any homework while we had company, so that was an added bonus. I mean, I probably wouldn’t have done that anyway (let’s be real), but it was nice not to feel guilty about it. Brett made our backyard look awesome and we’ve been spending more time out there! Frankie’s poor parents come down and work their fingers to the bone for us! We went to dinner and got to hear a few cool mission stories from Brett. I had to teach the Relief Society lesson at church with Corrine there, so that was nerve wracking! Frankie was definitely missing his family, so it was nice for him to fill that canteen a little.

The first couple of nights, Aramie and her family stayed here with us. Kacey and Darby got along so well! They slept in Darby’s bed together and I listened at the door a few times to find out if they were still awake, and they were and it was so sweet to hear them talking together until they fell asleep.

It was a really fun break and we’ll get Britney (Frankie’s sister) for a few days, starting tomorrow. I guess I’m not huge on updates, but that’s what this one was. Here are a few pictures and I’ll get back to my old ramblings soon enough.

Dustin Robert James Judd

We have a nephew! My little brother Dustin and his wife, Jessica, just had a gorgeous baby boy! He was born on Saturday, February 19th, and Nate, Haley, and I drove out to San Diego on Sunday and we got to meet our first nephew within the first 24 hours of his life. Dustin and Jessica did not find out the gender of the baby beforehand, but we were all confident that Dustin would create the first male offspring of the Judd kids. Little Dustin is so precious and such an angel and we have waited for him for so long. I kissed his tiny cheek and he smiled! I'm sure that gas was the catalyst and not my kiss, but I'll take it! Welcome, baby boy! We love you.

Bon Appetit!

This is not a meal that I made. Obviously.

I have been really interested in cooking lately. No. It is wrong to lie. Let me start over.

I have had to be more attentive to my cooking lately. As we all know, I have an on-again off-again relationship with my multiple sclerosis diet. As Nathan so appropriately put it, “The only thing worse than having MS is the MS diet.” Ain’t it the truth! But, it really is a great way to eat, health-wise. It is a total word of wisdom diet. Anyway, I have resigned myself to snacking on walnuts and yogurt, but my poor family is suffering. The adults are supportive, but Darby has yet to see the merit in healthy dinners. She says such darling things when dinner is placed before her. For example, “Mom, do you really want me to eat this?” and “Mom, that is disgusting.” She doesn’t even try the food before these utterances escape her lips and she still has to take 4 no-thank-you bites (great idea, Britney!). After she agonizes through those, she usually says, “That’s not so bad.” Of all the comments she has made regarding the dinners over which I have slaved, my favorite is the most recent. She sat down in her chair at the table and looked into her dinner bowl. “Is there diarrhea in this?”

It does a mother’s heart good to hear something like that.

I Am A Super-Star

Hey guys. Long time, no see! I thought I’d share with you a few experiences Frankie and I had last night. Some are good for a laugh, others will help me get sympathy from you. Intrigued? Let’s press on.

So, I’ve been sick the last few days. The bummer about a simple sickness is that with Multiple Sclerosis, nothing is simple. The head congestion was messing with my equilibrium, which is already questionable. The brain pains were exacerbated so much that I was crying, and my vision was so bad that I couldn’t even read. My sweet Frankie gave me a blessing and decided that we needed to go to an urgent care. Haley and Nate kept Darby for us, and we went to seek medical attention. The first urgent care we went to was, of course, closed. The next one was dirty, but we got in quickly. The doctor came in and with his thick New York accent told Frankie that he was probably a great lover. Yes, that is actually what he said. He talked and talked about life in NYC and what he got for his mother for mothers’ day. He droned on about how his accent makes it impossible to understand him when he uses the word “yogurt.” He babbled about how city New Yorkers are horrible, but up-staters like me are the God-fearing salt of the earth. Finally, he wrote me some prescriptions and quieted his busy mouth.

I have pneumonia, so I was anxious to start my HUMONGOUS antibiotic and get some sleep. I woke up around 2 a.m. because I needed to go potty. Like I said, my equilibrium is way off and I probably needed help, but how embarrassing is that?! Besides, Frankie was sleeping in Darby’s room with her in case she needed one of us. So, as I was in the bathroom, I knew I was in trouble. I tried to hurry everything up, but MS also causes it to take forever for me to pee (too much info? Nah). Then, I couldn’t find the beginning of the toilet paper. So, by the time I stood to pull up my chonies and wash my hands, it was all over. I remember a loud noise, and then Frankie’s voice sounding panicked. “Hillary, what are you doing?!” “Sleeping.” That was my response. I truly thought I was in my bed. Then he asked me to roll to the side so that he could open the door. I had fainted and was blocking my bedroom door! What’s worse is that I hadn’t pulled my chonies all the way up before I passed out, so my half naked body was blocking the entrance to my bedroom as I lay on the floor, asserting that I was asleep. How humiliating.

So, this morning I have what I can only guess will eventually be a black eye. There are scrapes all over my arms and face and I have a massive goose-egg on the back of my head where it landed on the tile. My hip took the brunt of it all and I am pretty torn up! What a pathetic little story, right? It’s also kind of funny, so I had to share it with you. I have never fainted before; it was really weird. So, how about you? Have you fainted? Has anything embarrassing happened to you lately?