Useless Thoughts On Hair

Sometimes I look at women with long hair and think that their tresses are so beautiful and that maybe I should grow my hair out again. Then I remember having long hair and I re-promise myself that I will never do that again!

For a really long time, my hair was down to the bottom of my back. I was too scared to part with my identity as “the girl with long hair.” About a year into our marriage, I decided to chop it all off and luckily, my Frankie supported my decision. I’ve had short hair ever since and I will never, ever grow it out again! In fact, I want it shorter and shorter. Looking back on pictures of myself with long hair I think, “Gross!” Now, some people really do look good with long hair, but some people do not. I am one of the latter. I’m no longer “the girl with long hair.” I’m actually probably “the girl with a really bad haircut” or “the girl who ought to grow it out”, but at least I can take a chance. And really, for how long can you have long hair without looking like a lady who is too old for long hair? What do you think is the age cut-off? I’m not saying we all need Golden Girl hair (but I’m totally planning on it), just wondering how old is too old for long hair?

Where Have I Been All Your Life?

So, let’s catch up. Aramie and Kacey (my sister and niece) were here for a few weeks and we had a good time. The girls did not get along, which was a bummer, but when you put two only children together, mayhem is guaranteed to ensue. So, in a nutshell, the girls fought, Aramie and I laughed and ate, my friends loved my sister (of course), and I almost choked to death twice. It was good times.

Now that my brother Nate and his wife, Haley, are moving down, something new has been brought to my realization. Hostess Ding-Dongs have 19 grams of fat and 360 calories a pop! Well, serving size is actually 2 dongs. I know that seems unrelated, but as skinny as my brother is, he is made up of probably 78% processed sugar. When Nate lives here, there is always good food around. So, between my brother and Frankie, the probability of diabetes just skyrocketed in the Parmenter household! Anyway, I only realized those ding-dong stats after I ate one! And I didn’t even like it that much.

What is something deplorable that you love to eat?

Was It You?

Sorry I’ve been so scarce; my sister and niece are in town. I do need to update you on an Adventure of Darby Danae. You don’t want to miss this one.

Aramie and I took our daughters to Hobby Lobby (my fave) and were looking around when Darby realized suddenly that she needed to use the bathroom. “Mom, I have to poop.” Ah, the words every mother loves to hear while shopping in a dirty and unkempt store. We searched for a bathroom and once we found it, were horrified to see that literally every stall in the place was open and each toilet full of doo-doo. Nice. I said, “Sorry Baby, we are going to have to go home. All of these toilets already have poop in them.” I alerted Aramie and we grabbed our daughters and made our way to the front of the store, where we could exit. Darby wanted me to carry her, and as we moved from the back of the store to the front of the store, my sweet little Darbenstien pointed her tiny little finger at each person we passed. She had on her best stink-eye and used her most authoritative and accusatory tone as she said, “Who pooped in the toilet?!”

Seriously, like 20 people were accused by my three year old of pooping in the toilet at Hobby Lobby. The last person received the most venom as Darby pointed, accused, and even slung an insult; "Who pooped in the toilet?! That dirty rat." True story.

As we’ve always expected and been barely able to escape these last 3 years, Darby and I can no longer be seen in respectable society (but after our bathroom experience, can we really call our society ‘respectable?’). If you need us, we are quarantined in our home practicing our manners.

But I think the real issue at hand is exactly what put us in the predicament in the first place; who pooped in the toilet?

"Benign" Is The Word!

I'll tell you the whole story later, but let me tell you that my lab results from the biopsy are benign, which is such a relief. I am so thankful for that. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers, I have felt them.

I Am So Sowwy

It was a tragedy. And a complete accident. And hilarious.

Yesterday, a telemarketer called offering life insurance. She gave her shpeel and then asked when her boss, Ron, could call and tell me how much he could save us on life insurance. The thing is, she had a speech impediment. She said, “So, when should Won call you to talk about insuwance? Mowning, aftewnoon, ow evening?”

What you have to know about me is that I, too, had this same speech impediment when I was a child. What happened next was unintentional and cwuel. I mean cruel.

I said, “Well, we alweady have life insurance.”

I would never make fun of anybody like that. She didn’t know that about me. After she hung up on me, I felt horrible, but laughed so hard. I am a tewwible pewson.

Nip Tuck (pun intended)

Tomorrow is the big day, my friends. I'll go under the knife at about 11:00 a.m. It is going to be awesome! A medically induced nap in the middle of the morning? Now that is just sweet action. And if my medical staff is as beautiful as the one pictured above, then nothing could go wrong! Those magnificent modelesque scrubs are removing a weird lump from my right breast and then they are going to check it out. Perverts. I'm thinking of asking them to just scoop everything out of both breasts and then fill them up with silicone. Not only would I be as buoyant as a life raft, but I could avoid doing this again in the future. Plus, I think Frank might dig it if I were to come out of there with boobs that had never nursed. The working girls are more than slightly haggard in comparison to when he met them. Anyway, wish me luck! But more than that, wish luck to my dear friend Jamie. She will be keeping the Darb while Frankie and I are vacationing at the hospital.

Which Way Do You Want To Go, Hmmm?

What does this picture make you think of? If we are kindred spirits, then it makes you think of the movie Labyrinth. I love that movie. Other childhood movies of mine are Goonies, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (the old one, of course), One Crazy Summer, and I can't really think of any others right now. The t.v. shows I grew up on include Belle & Sebastian and Today's Special.

Darby is into Curious George and Jumanji. She went through an 8 Seconds phase, but I had to squash that as it isn't really a wholesome children's movie. She also likes Hello Kitty, though Darby calls her "Hello Beauty Cat." She has a Hello Beauty Cat bike, and that is where that all started.

What movies/shows did you love as a child?