"Benign" Is The Word!

I'll tell you the whole story later, but let me tell you that my lab results from the biopsy are benign, which is such a relief. I am so thankful for that. Thank you all for your thoughts and prayers, I have felt them.

I Am So Sowwy

It was a tragedy. And a complete accident. And hilarious.

Yesterday, a telemarketer called offering life insurance. She gave her shpeel and then asked when her boss, Ron, could call and tell me how much he could save us on life insurance. The thing is, she had a speech impediment. She said, “So, when should Won call you to talk about insuwance? Mowning, aftewnoon, ow evening?”

What you have to know about me is that I, too, had this same speech impediment when I was a child. What happened next was unintentional and cwuel. I mean cruel.

I said, “Well, we alweady have life insurance.”

I would never make fun of anybody like that. She didn’t know that about me. After she hung up on me, I felt horrible, but laughed so hard. I am a tewwible pewson.

Nip Tuck (pun intended)

Tomorrow is the big day, my friends. I'll go under the knife at about 11:00 a.m. It is going to be awesome! A medically induced nap in the middle of the morning? Now that is just sweet action. And if my medical staff is as beautiful as the one pictured above, then nothing could go wrong! Those magnificent modelesque scrubs are removing a weird lump from my right breast and then they are going to check it out. Perverts. I'm thinking of asking them to just scoop everything out of both breasts and then fill them up with silicone. Not only would I be as buoyant as a life raft, but I could avoid doing this again in the future. Plus, I think Frank might dig it if I were to come out of there with boobs that had never nursed. The working girls are more than slightly haggard in comparison to when he met them. Anyway, wish me luck! But more than that, wish luck to my dear friend Jamie. She will be keeping the Darb while Frankie and I are vacationing at the hospital.

Which Way Do You Want To Go, Hmmm?

What does this picture make you think of? If we are kindred spirits, then it makes you think of the movie Labyrinth. I love that movie. Other childhood movies of mine are Goonies, Willy Wonka and the Chocolate Factory (the old one, of course), One Crazy Summer, and I can't really think of any others right now. The t.v. shows I grew up on include Belle & Sebastian and Today's Special.

Darby is into Curious George and Jumanji. She went through an 8 Seconds phase, but I had to squash that as it isn't really a wholesome children's movie. She also likes Hello Kitty, though Darby calls her "Hello Beauty Cat." She has a Hello Beauty Cat bike, and that is where that all started.

What movies/shows did you love as a child?

San Diego

We had the opportunity to visit my brother Dustin and his wife, Jessie, in San Diego this last weekend. We had such a great time and they took such good care of us! We haven't seen them in almost a year and it was so nice remedy that. My older brother, Nate, was with us, too, and it was just so great to be with everyone. We went to the beach, which Darby loved, of course, and then they took us to Sea World. Darby had the time of her life! Thanks, Dusty and Jessie, for taking such good care of us and letting us come visit.

The Princess and the Frog: A Critique

Darby was lucky enough to receive “The Princess and the Frog” from her Gran this last weekend. She was so, so excited and wants to watch it every waking hour. I didn’t really know anything about the movie except that it is Disney’s first black princess and that it supposedly is such a breakthrough movie. Have you seen it?

Well, I beg to differ when it comes to the movie breaking through stereotypes. I thought it was a black princess, but it is not. The main character, Tianna, is a lower-class girl working two jobs (for white people) to try and make a better life for herself. Yeah, what a break through. Then, she tries to buy a building, but is denied because she is black (I think; I wasn’t really paying tons of attention at that point because I was cooking dinner). Then, our black heroine is turned into a frog via voo doo black magic. Hmmmm. So, our black “princess” is actually a green frog for almost the entire film. She makes gumbo (Forest Gump, anyone?) and falls in love with her latino frog prince and the two of them dupe a few white bayou yokels and what I’m getting at is that I don’t really see a lot of breaking through. She doesn’t even become a princess until she marries the prince and then a Mammyish character says, “It’s gon’ be good!” Come on people. It is a really great movie and lots of fun to watch, all I’m saying is that it wasn’t the class-crossing event it claimed to be.

That said, Darby loves every bit of it and it is a cute movie with a really dark villain, so be sure to watch it before your small children have the chance. That way you’ll know when to fast-forward through the scary parts!

The Thrill of the Fight

On the movie Girls Just Want to Have Fun, Colonel Glenn says, "A little competition is good for the soul!" I tend to disagree, at least when it comes to mother/daughter scrimmages at soccer practice.


Thursday was Darby’s last practice of the season, so we had a friendly little game between our beautiful, tiny daughters and their saggy, old mothers. During our warm-up, we were supposed to be kicking the ball back and forth with our daughters. That’s when one of the moms decided that she needed to shine. Apparently, this lady thinks she’s Mia Hamm. She wouldn’t kick the ball to her daughter; she was too busy doing fancy little soccer tricks which impressed us all, I’m sure. Finally, in exasperation, her 3 year old threw her arms to the side and said, “Mom, kick me the ball!” It was shaping up to be a very positive experience for our young breed. These psycho moms were out for blood.



So, the game began with the daughters at one end of the field and the mothers at the other. I was wearing a hat and looking down, Eye of the Tiger blasting in my mind. I was pumped.





Suddenly, my 80’s rock fantasy was shattered by a pink and tiny soccer ball which rolled up to my feet. The bill of my hat was blocking out everything else and instinct kicked in. I mean, I had just been mentally rocking out to the greatest pump-up song ever. I kicked the ball and looked up, only to see that my darling daughter was the one who kicked it in my direction. It was tragic and I spent the rest of the game holding Darby’s hand and dragging her to the ball. I even threatened another mom who kicked it away from her.


Darby did great; she scored a goal and everything. She got a trophy. She was cheered on by the crowd as I hoisted her onto my shoulders. None of that kept her from recanting the story to her daddy, saying that I “broke (her) heart” and that I “no love (her) no more.”


You guys, I can’t win for losing.


Have you ever crushed a small child’s dreams? It would make me feel so much better about myself.